Death and Depression

Yesterday was three years since we lost Brent's dad. Last year we survived this time fairly well, this year not so well. We have all been a little extra down. With Bowyn's birthday coming up it was hard not to associate all that happened with his birth. I usually love to review what I was doing when the kids were born. We will get out their baby books and talk about the excitement of welcoming our new baby. It is so hard with Bowyn because all I remember thinking was, I can't have this baby yet. We were at the hospital constantly the week before and I remember fearing that I would be upstairs having a baby while Blaine was downstairs dying. This year I think is extra hard as we have started to sort through all of his parents things and memories flood back. His family is also starting to divvy up the belongings and for some of the stuff it feels like we are loosing them all over again. It has been hard with the changes lately and we long so much for the council and wisdom that came from just short visits with his parents. The world seems to have lost some of its wisdom and brightness. Hopefully next year will be better and things won't feel so fresh.

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